


Now and Always (aka The Last Chapter of The Last Book)

by MCsAngel2



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Afterlife, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-02-03 12:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12747891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MCsAngel2/pseuds/MCsAngel2
Summary: 1798. Jamie Fraser is on his deathbed.I long ago conceived my own ideas about how the "Outlander" series would end, and how Jamie's ghost, seen in book one, would be explained.





	1. Chapter 1

Jamie struggled to take a breath that would not bring a wave of pain. He was dimly aware of Claire’s presence by his side, holding his hand in one of her own. Her unruly hair, any traces of brown long since gone, framed a face lined with worry and care, and mottled with the stains of many tears shed. For some sixty years, she had used her skills to help the sick, on either side of two centuries. Sometimes, she had been able to save lives. Other times, she could only watch helplessly as disease or injury beyond her expertise claimed them. 

 

When the pain began, a year ago, she had examined him and ended by looking away, saying nothing. He knew then there was nothing to be done, for never had Claire ever been at a loss for words, in all the years he’d known her. More and more of her days were spent by Jamie’s side as he became more ill and, in these last few weeks, confined to bed. Family and friends from all over the Ridge had gathered for last farewells from Himself, but at this hour, Jamie and Claire were alone.

 

“Sassenach,” he breathed, too close to the edge to take the care to hide the signs of discomfort she would hear.

 

“I’m here,” she replied softly. Gently, she caressed his face with her free hand.

 

“I dinna want to leave ye, but I think I must, and soon.” He grunted and shifted his position.

 

“It’s alright, Jamie.” Her voice held steady with the years of experience in difficult situations, but belied by the tears escaping her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I couldn’t heal you.” She broke and bent her head sobbing to his chest, still murmuring apologies, till he nudged her slightly.

 

“Sit up so I can see your face, Sorcha.” She complied, and with an effort, he focused on her and laid a hand on her cheek.

 

“Listen to me. I ken how it was before - when ye thought I had drowned. I want ye to swear that ye will live, and not let grief o’ertake ye. And if I can, I will be with ye every day. God will call my body home to its rest, but I swear, my spirit will walk with ye and the bairns, until we can find each other again. Now and always. There is no heaven without you, Claire.”

 

“I love you. I love you, James Fraser.” She shook him slightly. “Do you hear me?”

 

_I love you. I love you._

_Claire bowed her head again, sobbing as though her soul was being torn from her. Jamie put his arms around her, then climbed out of bed to hold her in a full embrace. It seemed both hours and yet minutes he stood that way, until the sun came up, shining as brightly as he had never seen it. He did not stir until he felt a hand on his shoulder._

_“Da, come. It’s time to go.” He looked up and saw a young woman, one he had never seen in life, but appearing just as he had thought she must. As lovely as her sister, almost as beautiful as their mother. She smiled and kissed his cheek._

__

_“Faith.” He rose and wrapped his arms around her._

_“Shall we? Everyone is waiting.” She stepped forward, pulling his hand._

_“No, not yet. I have promised to wait, until your mother can come as well,” he said, looking back at Claire._

_“Aye, then. We’ll wait with you,” she said, nodding her head toward the door. She bent and dropped a kiss on her mother’s head, and squeezed her father’s arm, and left the room._

_Jamie sat on the bed again, one arm around Claire, the other holding her hand. He whispered to her in Gaelic, and again lost the sense of time. He stayed until the room grew dark, and then somehow seemed to fade from sight._

_A different room came into view, Roger and Brianna’s cabin. He saw Brianna crying, taking solace in Roger’s arms._

_A different room. Jem and Fanny, lying in bed, late at night. Laughing and crying, sharing their memories of him._

_Marsali and her youngest, Claude. Joan and Felicité hugging Mandy, and Germaine’s with his hand on her back._

_Young Ian, sitting alone in the woods, grieving._

_Then the darkness came again. He rose, and went through the door. He came out in a sunny courtyard, the Lallybroch of his youth. The yapping of dogs accompanied the shouts of joy coming from his brother, Willie, who was playing with the hounds of their childhood. On the steps of the house, sat his mother, Ellen, nursing the baby Robert. His father, Brian, looked over them, and he and his mother looked up and smiled at Jamie at his arrival._

_He roamed the grounds, and by the stable met Ian, healthy and whole as he was in his youth. With him was young Jamie, leading a horse. From the high meadow, where the tower lay, he saw Jenny walking, with her bairn Caitlyn. She approached and he embraced her._

_“Home at last, are you, brother?” She asked, rocking and cooing to the baby._

_“No, not yet. Not until I can bring Claire.” She looked knowingly at him, and patted his arm. He looked around once more, and continued on._

_The darkness came and went again, and he was in front of a great house. As he watched, a somber man in fine black clothing left by the front door, and climbed into a carriage waiting nearby. Jamie walked nearer to see his face. William. As he stared at his son, he heard hoofbeats, and turned to see who approached. Lord John Grey drew up on a large black horse, a fine figure in his army uniform. He dismounted and shook his hand._

_“It’s good to see you again, Jamie,” John said. “Of course I look out for him,” indicating William with a gesture of his head, “as I long ago promised I always would.” They stood watching until the carriage got underway, and John remounted to follow. They shook hands again, and Jamie noticed the horse for the first time._

_“Is that-?” He said in surprise._

_“Donas?” said John. “Yes, it is. He’s a fine mount, my compliments to you.”_

_Jamie stroked the horse’s nose and chuckled when he nickered back at him. He looked up at John, who nodded and doffed his hat, and turned and cantered after the carriage. Jamie looked after him until the darkness came again._

_When it cleared, he was home again, at the Ridge. He walked through the woods, making his way to the little cemetery. When he neared, he saw that all the community was gathered. Roger, Jem, Ian, and Germaine were hoisting a coffin. His funeral. Two figures in the group detached and came towards him._

_“Grandpère!” Little Henri-Christian ran to Jamie, who scooped him up in his arms. “I have so much to tell you! Papa took me to see where he grew up, in Paris! And he showed me where he lived with you and Grandmère!” Fergus caught up with the pair, and took Henri-Christian from Jamie, to carry himself._

_“Let us tell Grandpère about that later, shall we?” Fergus said. Henri-Christian made a face, and wiggled out of his father’s arms and ran back to the group, to stand by Marsali. Jamie and Fergus embraced. “I have missed you, milord.” They turned and walked to join the crowd._

_A dog - Rollo - trotted up happily to greet Jamie, by licking his hand, then returned to his place by Ian’s side. Jamie stood just behind Claire, and looked down to see Adso winding around her ankles._

_The service, conducted by Roger, began serenely enough, but he was overcome by emotion after a few minutes. Several people began to weep, including Claire, who was flanked by Brianna and Mandy. As they tried to comfort her, Jamie leaned into her, with a hand on her shoulder and a cheek against hers. Mandy frowned for a moment, and abruptly turned and looked at where Jamie was standing. She did not seem to see him, but seemed to know something was there._

_“She has the sight, doesn’t she, Da?” Faith said at Jamie’s side, while looking at Mandy._

_“Aye, or something like it,” replied Jamie, thinking of all the unusual occurrences over the years._

_The service and the gathering at the big house passed in a blur, until it was late at night, and Claire was in bed. She wept as she called Jamie’s name and touched his pillow. Jamie lay down beside her, and touched her face._

_“I’m here, mo nighean donn. Now and always.”_


	2. Chapter 2

_The days and the nights seemed to be one, only distinguished by the actions of Jamie’s loved ones, though it was Claire he was always drawn to. He was with her every hour, though time ceased to be measured._

_She was in the surgery with a patient. Fanny by her side as she had been for years, learning what she could. He touched Claire’s shoulder, and suddenly could see Fanny in the same room, but very much aged. She tended to a patient, explaining what she was doing to an eager young man standing nearby._

_He was in the new church, sitting next to Claire. Mandy and Germaine were standing up to be wed. Roger pronounced them husband and wife, and as she turned to kiss her groom, Jamie could see the tears in her eyes, and in her mother’s and her grandmother’s eyes. She looked their way, and for a moment, Jamie thought, looked at him. He turned to wipe the tears from Claire’s face._

_Then in the same church, now weathered, Mandy became a wizened old woman, with white hair but sharp eyes. She was surrounded by her children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Where a moment ago Jamie had seen her standing with Germaine, was now a coffin, and he realized she was now a widow. He looked up from the coffin to see those eyes piercing his once again._

_He was in the kitchen in the big house, where all the family was gathered for a fine meal. William was there. He had come to America to pay a visit. He sat next to Claire, telling her about his family. He took a miniature from his pocket and put it in her hand. It was a portrait of his sons, called John and James. Claire adjusted her spectacles and raised the portrait to better see, and Jamie cupped her hand with his as he gazed with her._

_Then he was in the Palace of Westminster, seeing William address his peers in Parliament. And then again he was in Westminster Abbey, watching a now much older William put a coronet on his head at the same moment a young new queen was crowned._

_He was in the courtyard of the big house, where Claire stood watching Young Ian dress a deer he had killed for her, while the first snow flurries of winter blew around them. Claire adjusted her shawl more closely around her shoulders, and Jamie compulsively reached up to help._

_Then he was outside Ian and Rachel’s cabin, watching them embrace and bid farewell to Young Ian Og, who was going west to seek adventure. And then some years later, when Ian Og returned to see his parents and tell them of his experiences with two men called Lewis and Clark._

_He was at Jem and Fanny’s home, as Claire carried out her newly delivered first great-granddaughter to meet her father. As she placed the bairn in Jem’s arms while Brianna and Roger looked on, Jamie’s hand was among theirs, caressing the soft skin. The baby, to be called Clara, opened her eyes and looked at Jamie._

_Then scenes of Jem sitting with Claire, and Brianna, and Roger, whilst he he recorded what medical and scientific information they could recall. Jem and Brianna, building yet another contraption, derived from the modern conveniences they knew. Jem, in the little schoolroom that served the Ridge community, teaching their children. Jem, tending to his elderly father, making him comfortable before the fire. Jem, sitting with his grown children, telling them about the stones, about the future._

_He was with Claire as Marsali and some of her brood brought in a cask of whisky; the production of which was now mostly taken over by her branch of the family. The two of them sampled a small amount, and Jamie leaned in closely as though to smell the aroma._

_Then Marsali was in a port town, seeing off her youngest son, who was sailing to his father’s native France to sell the spirits. And then some years later, he saw Marsali in her home, with fine furnishings and elaborate clothes. Despite this prosperity, and the joy her family gave her, Jamie saw how she still mourned her husband in the long, silent nights._

_He was with Claire and Brianna in dozens, in hundreds of moments they spent together. Spinning wool before the fire. Making ether for Claire’s surgery. Devising ways to keep vermin out of the pantry. The success of creating a running water system for the Ridge. Cooking meals for the family. Designing simple versions of medical implements. Reading aloud from the precious books carried back from the rare visits to the twentieth century. And every single night, Jamie whispered words of love and comfort that Claire could hear with her heart, if not her ears, as they lay in their bed together._

_Then he was next to the standing stones not far from the Ridge, from where Brianna and Roger and the children had once travelled back to the future for Mandy’s surgery. The four of them were there again, this time with Jem and Mandy grown and giving many assurances to their somber parents. For Brianna and Roger would not be going with them, as they were needed to look after Claire; and in any event, it had been many years since they had gone through, as there were no more gemstones and Jem and Mandy were able to travel without them. The last messages dispensed, and the last hugs given, the children stepped up to the stones. They seemed to be singing, somehow. It must be near Beltane, Jamie thought. Claire said that the portal seemed open widest on the fire festivals - and the stones’ singing was loudest then. With a last look back, Jem and Mandy each put a hand on the biggest stone, and a great roar rumbled around them as they vanished._

_Brianna fell back into Roger’s arms, and they looked where their children had last stood, without speaking a word. The stones were still singing, and Jamie reached out, mesmerized by this phenomenon he had never been able to experience. He placed his palm on the surface, and the earth ripped apart. A flash of light, the stones screaming louder than he’d ever thought possible, and a blow to the stomach took his breath away and caused him to fall, and keep falling…._


	3. Chapter 3

_Jamie woke with a gasp. The sensations he felt at the stones were gone, but now he knew not where he was. The sun was hidden, and a driving rain and mist rising from the earth obscured his sight, and he turned about in confusion. Then he heard the moans of men, and the place where he stood was recalled to him at once._

_Culloden moor._

_At that moment, the rain parted like a curtain, and the mist vanished. The bodies littered the field so densely, one could scarcely move. Yet, he saw, some were roaming about. They struck him as odd, though he did not at first understand why. They walked with an air of anguish, from one man to the next, though they made no comment nor sign of comfort to any soldier who still had breath enough to convey his suffering._

_Then he saw that they were not hindered by the mass of men strewn about the field. They moved easily, though without purpose. One, then another, passed by Jamie and raised their eyes to him, then looked through him without expression. And he realized these men were no longer of this world, but their spirits condemned to wander the moor, seeking the fulfilment their lives had promised._

_He surveyed the moor, as though to see if any of the faces were familiar. As he scanned over one end to the other, indeed his glance was arrested by one that was known to him. There on the far side of the field where he stood, was his kinsman, Murtagh Fraser._

_He stared in shock, as Murtagh looked calmly back at him, standing erect, hands clasped upon the hilt of a sword whose point was driven in the ground. Murtagh nodded, and in the midst of returning this gesture, Jamie was startled by another spirit - was it a spirit? - passing through his godfather._

_But no, this man looked different. His hair was short and his trousers long…he was dressed in a way he’d never seen. And he seemed unaware of the men dying on the field, and oblivious to the spirits roaming about. This man looked about with keen interest, but seemed not to see anything. Then Jamie saw another such man. Then, a couple - a man and a woman, all dressed strangely. The woman in skirts above her knees, much as Claire had described the fashions she’d worn in the future._

_Then, as though he was in a dream where everything moved slowly, he saw her._

_He saw Claire._

_He turned his head, and she was walking directly towards him. She looked so young! He had almost forgotten how beautiful she had been. But no, this was not how she had looked in the early years of their marriage - she was dressed as the other strange spirits had been, in short skirts, and paint on her face._

_She was older than she had been when they had first wed. This must be before she came back to me again, Jamie thought. She passed him and he would have sworn he could have reached out and touched her. She seemed intent on reaching a particular place on the field, so he followed her._

_She came to a large stone that was there and not there. She knelt at its base and began to speak, and he saw that “Clan Fraser” was etched upon its face. She was speaking to him. She was telling him of Brianna, and her life without him, and her unceasing love for him. When she finished, she stretched out her hand and put it on the stone. As naturally as breathing, Jamie reached out and put his on top of hers and squeezed as hard as he could._

_And again, the earth ripped apart and he fell through time._

_He was standing in a house strangely decorated, but with the artificial light he knew marked it as one from the future. He saw Jem and Mandy, appearing exactly as they had at the stones when Jamie had tried to follow, with a middle-aged black man, greeting an elderly black man. He knew this was Claire’s old friend Joe Abernathy, and his son._

_He was standing in a vast library, with many tables filled with both male and female students. He saw Jem sitting at one, studying with his books. He knew this was when Jem had decided to go back to the twentieth century to attend college._

_He was...where was he? There was Brianna and Roger, and a much younger Jem and Mandy. Mandy was wearing a black cap with a red bow and two black circles on the sides, and her name was stitched on the back. She was eating something fluffy and pink on a stick. Everyone was laughing and happy._

_He was in the home he knew had been Roger’s father’s. He was in a room where Jem and Mandy were playing. They were so young. Mandy looked up, and toddled over to Jamie. She offered him her favorite doll, Esmerelda._

_He was in a hospital. Brianna and Roger were crowded around a crib where Mandy lay, after her heart surgery. Jamie came closer to have a look, and Mandy squealed and kicked her legs at the sight of her grandfather._

_He was with Brianna and Roger as they exchanged their first Christmas gifts._

_He was with Claire, saying goodbye to Brianna on the hill at Craigh na Dun, just before she came back to the past._

_He was there when Claire told Brianna that her real father was named James Fraser, and that she had left him at the battle of Culloden, over two hundred years before._

_He was there when Claire received her diploma from medical school._

_And he was there in the hospital, when Claire gave birth to Brianna. He was there when she woke, and held the baby for the first time. He was there to wipe away the tears she shed for the father Brianna would never know._

_It was dark again, and cold. He began to walk, and felt the rain falling on him. He spied a light a short distance ahead, and was drawn to it as if it were a beacon._

_He found he could only get so close, but it was enough to see it was Claire, his Sorcha, his Light, that was the light that beckoned to him. She was brushing her hair in front of a mirror, and he stood mesmerized._

 

“Jamie…”

 

_He thought he heard her softly call his name. He took another step and rested a hand upon the statue beside him._

 

“Jamie.”

 

_He heard it again, quiet but insistent._

 

”JAMIE.”

 

_The third time was like a command. It seemed to fill the air around him like an echo, and he quickly turned to follow the reverberations, looking about him. He walked until he was back in the darkness, but he continued on._

_Suddenly, it was as though he opened his eyes and he was back at their home on the Ridge. He stood in the yard, looking at Faith, who was standing by the door, smiling. He passed through the house, knowing Claire was there, seeking her._

_He found her in their room, so frail, in their bed. She was attended by Brianna, and Mandy, who looked up reluctantly when he entered and inhaled sharply. Brianna saw this, and immediately leaned over Claire, grasping her hand and assuring her of their love._

 

“Jamie.”

 

_Jamie sat on the bed, then carefully lay down so that they were side by side. He touched her face, and said,_

_“I’m here, mo nighean donn. Now-”_

_“-And always,” finished Claire, who raised her hand to his, then leaned forward to kiss him._


End file.
